WHEN YOU COME TO THE END OF YOURSELF, YOU FIND THE BEGINNING OF GOD.
Psalm 119:50
This is my comfort in my Affliction: For thy word hath quickened me
Recently have been feeling afflicted, not loved, not forgiven. A doubt that robs so much of seeing the progress made in my spiritual life. Seeing myself not worthy of his love, his mercy, and forgiveness.
Feeling this way has taken me back to where it all began. The scripture. Seeking my identity in him where I was baptized in his name. The name of Jesus Christ.Where I choose to be part of his family.So that my sins may be forgiven and to receive God's gift of the holy spirit.
The book of Acts assures me that my sins are forgiven, and with that comes the holy spirit to guide my path. God's promise made to me and my children and to all who are far away to call us to himself. Yet here I am feeling this way.
I know that he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon him, and with his stripes, we are healed. I guess this is where we are supposed to attack our feelings and all these self-doubts with scripture, where the end of me is and the beginning of God starts. We are warned by scripture that we should be sober and vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
How he rushes you, frightens you, pushes you, confuses you, condemns you, stresses you, discourages you, and worries you.
This is one of my darkest days, where am feeling inadequate, unloved, unworthy, it's hard to remember whose daughter I am, so hard to straighten my crown. I know this is where am supposed to stand and remember my identity in Christ, how by his stripes I am healed. How am called to God himself by baptism.
I know this is not the state God has for me, how I should choose to find scripture that talks of God and remind me of my identity in him, praying that his words enforce my mind and spirit about the blessings that I have received. His salvation, peace, worthiness, love, strength, and courage., and it is hard.
This is the point am supposed to go down on my knees, knowing that am saved, loved, and forgiven. How am supposed to surrender to his ways. And say to him he is our refuge and our fortress. Our God in whom we trust, how he should search me to know my heart, trying me and knowing my thoughts to see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. But here I am not knowing what to do.
Our journey with Christ is personal, and he deals with each of us differently, for his plans and designs for our lives are unique. So here I am surrendering this to his ways, seeking him and his strength. Seeking his face evermore.
Have you ever gone through this process or something like this?
Love and Light