SELF HEALING:A JOURNEY OF HEALING TOWARDS BECOMING YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF .
They say that trauma has a peculiar way of binding us, shaping how we navigate the world around us. It becomes the silent architect of our relationships, work dynamics, and how we unveil ourselves to the world. My journey, personally, has been molded by this force, and when we’re oblivious to its nature, we tend to shoulder blame, questioning if something within us is fundamentally flawed — why we struggle to maintain connections, be it with family, friends, or in matters of the heart.
Perhaps, being confined to a singular space contributes to this struggle. Not being exposed to empowered individuals or diverse cultures can limit our understanding. But, thanks to the internet, I discovered a profound truth and sought help. It’s fascinating how a tiny device like a phone can bring the entire world to our fingertips. I acknowledge its positives and negatives, but my relentless curiosity, fueled by Google’s endless answers, led me to this moment.
With the ever-evolving landscape of technology and societal shifts, Turkana is undergoing transformative growth. The days of relying on satellite phones are behind us, and signals now reach deep into the heart of our communities. A super-connected world is on the horizon, waiting to embrace us.
They often say curiosity killed the cat, but for me, it led to a path of self-discovery and healing. There came a point in my life where I confronted hard questions, wondering why things weren’t aligning as they should.
As a single mother, estranged from friends, grappling with work dynamics, strained relationships with my sisters, and newfound love posing its challenges, I took a step back. I questioned whether the issue lay within me or others.
These questions paved the way to an encounter with Olive, a vibrant soul and therapist in Nairobi, Kenya’s capital. Olive guided me through understanding the root causes of my struggles. The internet, and the virtual meetings it enabled during the times of COVID, played a pivotal role in making this journey possible.
Mental health discussions aren’t yet warmly embraced in the northern regions. One risks being viewed as unstable or taboo. Yet, lack of enlightenment perpetuates such stigmas, leading people to judge based on beliefs rather than empowered perspectives.
At the onset of my journey, I found myself in a process of learning and unlearning. Unhealed childhood trauma reveals itself in various ways: fixing others, people-pleasing, co-dependency, seeking external validation, living in constant fear of abandonment, and struggling to set boundaries. It’s not a reflection of personal shortcomings but rather a consequence of childhood wounds influencing how we relate to others.
I won’t point fingers at others for what happened to me; instead, I’m committed to the journey of self-improvement. Each day, I wake up with the intention to create a better world for my child, sparing her the need for healing from my inflicted wounds. I want her to know she is enough, deserving of all the love in the world. Even in the absence of her father, she won’t need a man to validate her worth.
I’m putting in the work to heal, to embrace my authentic self — overflowing with love without expecting reciprocation. This journey involves learning and unlearning, understanding my patterns, facing the discomfort, and embracing growth. It’s a message to all those on a healing journey — know that you’re not alone. I embarked on this for myself and for my daughter, envisioning a future where she blossoms into her true self, unburdened by the wounds of my past.
As Mama puts in the work, she aspires to be a beacon of love. The kind of love that gives without expectations. It’s about embracing who I am, learning, and unlearning along the way.