HEALING.
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. — Tori Amos
Howdy,
How is the going and the year taking you so far? It's the 4th of February 2022 and I can't say how glad I am, and how intentional am being with myself. A lot has happened in the last few months, big changes and emotional changes, but am taking a day as it comes.
Am going through a period of grief, having to deal with the loss of someone that I loved so much, to standing up for myself and my 8-year-old who is turning 9 next month, I realised putting yourself first doesn't mean that you are selfish, it just means Me too.
I wrote down my vision board as well, if you haven't read about it, it is here maybe you can have a look at it and see how it goes and I can see some things have written are manifesting, I hope God will go above and beyond for me on it as well and am happy that things are moving.
Something I also came to learn. That the world doesn't wait for you to mourn, it moves on. It's hardly a process, but am learning how to be a more calm, peaceful person within myself. One who feels safe within herself. I know I will have to respond to a lot of things around me, but what am coming to learn about is AGENCY. Self-awareness or choice in the present moment. Unlearning self-criticism and gifting myself with consistent forgiveness and not judging myself.
I know that in this healing process, there will be things that will trigger me since they come in different degrees or intensities, but am staying to practise the following techniques while knowing that at times, I will be in 100% survival mode. meaning I will not have access to consciousness, but I will not judge myself or try to analyse why I did it.
So in healing, am understanding the importance of creating safety. To do this means I will need to become my own mentor, guiding myself through the process. The first step means I need to become more conscious of whatever I will be experiencing,(Loneliness, feeling sad, feeling not in my body, being controlling of my daughter, aggressive)and become a witness of what is happening. I promise not to judge whatever it is am feeling. Once I become a witness to what am feeling, my primitive brain will give me feedback plus how to respond to this. At this moment all I need to do is breathe.
As I breathe I should say these three things to myself:
‘I am an adult with agency,i have a choice in how i respond’
“This is a grief response plus I am going to get through this”
“I love and accept myself in this very moment”
Next, I will need to release the negative energy from my body by crying, doing deep belly breaths, going for a fast-paced walk or shaking my arms in circular motions, noticing the heat.
Lastly by engaging myself in self-soothing.By sitting alone and telling myself that am safe now. Holding my hands on my heart and saying I accept all that am feeling, by also journalling whatever am feeling without thinking about it or lastly listening to music or affirmations that bring me peace or joy.
It's never-ending progress, Healing, but since I vowed that am the one who ends the cycle of trauma and that it won't follow my children? I meant it. I will forgive myself over and over again for all the things I did or so when I was in denial or survival mode.
Untill next time,
Love and Light.
Adoket